Saturday, July 25, 2009

Are You Having Sexual Problems in Your Marriage? This Article May Help You... by Tony Darbyshire

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Are You Having Sexual Problems in Your Marriage? This Article May Help You... by Tony Darbyshire

The first thing you should realize is that you're not alone if you're experiencing sexual problems in your marriage, or partnership. There are bound to be times when one partner is wanting to have sex more often than the other. Sometimes it's because one partner doesn't feel that the other person is giving enough time or attention to their sexual needs or desires.

Often the mismatch can be unrelated to the sex itself. How often have we felt unhappy, when some event happens in our lives, that throw us off balance. A good example is bereavement. When someone close to us dies it can affect many aspects of our day-to-day lives, and particularly on our desire to initiate sex. An upsetting event like bereavement can therefore have a profound effect on libido for many people.

There are so many examples, but I'm sure you can think of occasions when an 'external' factor has affected the way you feel about having sex, and these rarely have anything to with the love and friendship you feel for your partner. They can be to do with our jobs, our health, or our family. There are so many reasons for not wanting sex, and the list is very long.

So, what should you do?

First off, try not to feel bad about any mismatch that occurs. If you become upset and overly emotional it will usually end up making the problem worse, not better. Always do your very best to remain rational and stay calm. Try and look for the possible underlying causes that are creating the sexual problems. If it is an issue that is totally unrelated to the sex, then just be patient. Things will almost certainly improve as time passes, so just be tolerant and don't give up and get too frustrated. If matters don't improve, then that is the time to be asking the 'searching' questions; once you've come up with the questions, you can then begin to work on the answers needed for the problems you've found.

Secondly, if it does turn out to be an external factor that is causing the problem, or problems, what can you do about them? Many people feel that sex is such a huge part of their marital relationship that if things aren't right they think the best option is to separate, or get divorced. Nothing could be so far away from the truth. Some would say, whilst sex is really important in a marriage, problems can be resolved through good communication and discussion.

The simple fact is that when you've been married for a while, even if it's only a short period, the sex part can often begin to fade to dullness. This is especially so if one partner has a more vigorous libido than the other. Whilst some couples have a 'matching' sex drive, for many others there will be a mismatch and one partner often wants to initiate sex more frequently. There is no hard evidence that mismatches in libido happen more in men than in women, or vice versa.

The third point is that some sexual mismatches can reach the stage where one of you is no longer enjoying sexual contact. The possible outcome is that you only get involved to put off the arguments that could happen if you don't! You just need to both be aware that sexual mismatches can happen from time to time and be sensitive to each other's needs. It won't help either of you if you switch off, or refuse to participate, so look for solutions that can help you both.

If you are the one with the lower sex drive then perhaps you should take some time to work out why this is so. A reputable doctor should be able to give advice or, at least, refer you to someone who specializes in sexual health matters. And if you're the person with the higher sex drive then don't put pressure on your partner to have sex if they don't want to.

It's so much more effective to communicate and have a sensible adult discussion about the issues, than it is to 'force'. By force I don't mean physically force… that is totally unacceptable, even in marriage! What can be very damaging is the use of 'emotional' force, so do your best to avoid it.

If you look around there is lots of help for you in solving your sexual problems that are occurring in your marriage, or partnership. Whatever you do, don't put extra pressure on each other if mismatches are happening; try and talk calmly about them and communicate your feelings without being too emotional. Seek help if you need to. Then you should be able to get on your way to a healthy and satisfying sex life with your partner.

About the Author

If you're going through some sexual problems then don't give up, and definitely don't get angry or aggressive. Even the deepest of problems can be overcome if you remain patient. This is a site with some really good advice on lots of relationship issues and is well worth a visit => so go and take a look to see if it can help you.

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